JUSTICE SERVED: SUSPECT ATTEMPTS THE WORST SALES PITCH EVER!

In a plot twist straight out of a comedy sketch, Harris County deputies found themselves handling a case that could double as a lesson in “How Not to Be a Criminal 101.”

On December 29, 2024, deputies from Constable Mark Herman’s office responded to an unusual “Meet the Citizen” call at 14200 Wunderlich Drive. The complainant had reported something so bizarre it was almost too wild to believe: a suspect was trying to sell him his own stolen tailgate.

Yes, you read that right.

The morning started off poorly for the vehicle owner when he discovered his tailgate had been stolen. But it quickly turned into an episode of poetic justice when the suspected thief, later identified as Colton Caldwell, reached out with an “irresistible offer” to sell the very same tailgate back to its rightful owner.

Spoiler alert: the offer was very resistible.

Deputies arrived on the scene and quickly detained Caldwell, who was not exactly winning awards for criminal brilliance. Upon further investigation, the tailgate was confirmed to belong to the complainant, and it was promptly returned.

Adding another layer of irony to this tale, Caldwell was already out on a $2,500 bond for—you guessed it—the same offense. It seems this repeat offender hasn’t quite mastered the art of a clean getaway, or even a good alibi.

“Colton Caldwell was arrested and booked into the Harris County Jail, charged with Theft. He is awaiting bond out of County Court 12,” said Constable Mark Herman in a statement.

As for the victim, they’re likely breathing a sigh of relief—and maybe considering adding some extra security to their vehicle. Meanwhile, Colton Caldwell’s career in criminal salesmanship has hit a tailgate-sized roadblock.

Moral of the story? Don’t steal. And definitely don’t try to sell your stolen goods back to the person you stole them from. It’s a surefire way to end up in the back of a squad car.